Daily Archives: May 23, 2011

Date Me or F*ck You!

It’s just that simple.

I’m so exhausted with this dating bullshit I’ve been experiencing this past year. Is dating nonexistent? A few weeks back I met a nice guy at a birthday gathering. He gave me the full run down of his educational and employment background – boasting about working for President Obama and being a praise dancer at church. Ok, he seems well rounded. I went on to tell him a little about myself and we proceeded to hit the dance floor. We spent a good 15 minutes dancing with each other and went our separate ways to mingle with the other partygoers. We exchanged numbers before exiting the party and that’s when he hit me with the one-two punch, “Can I come back to Brooklyn with you?” I was so disappointed and would have given him a little credit if he were drunk. Unfortunately he wasn’t. My response, “You haven’t swipe your credit card enough.”

I’ve dabbled in quite a few different types of men – rich, broke, dumb, butt ugly, and fine. I miss the guys that used to smother me with attention and affection. I even appreciate the cheating, stand-up guy who went out his way to please both me and the other girl. But what the hell is going on with men today? A dip boo buddy friend once told me that he prefers to be pursued by women. He prefers women to take the initiate and request dates. It’s the “millennium.”  I was so angry listening to that bullshit but couldn’t offer a comeback. That’s the laziest shit I’ve ever heard and any man that has that mentality should be shot. The sad reality is that there is a ton of women willing to step up to the plate and take ALL leads just to be with a man.

Maybe I missed the memo but whatever happened to dating…like real dating. Like going OUT and not making it a movie night at the crib on the 1st date. Putting thought into restaurant selections and taking note of that fact that I’ve never been to MoMA.  Should I convince myself that because a nice, decent man is a rarity that I shouldn’t expect anything more than his presence? The problem is, with dating, is that there’s an overwhelming number of bad apples in the bunch. Picking and choosing can be tedious, discouraging and time consuming.  I remember dating a guy who strategically planned dates with me every week for a month, so that by the end of the month his request for sex would be justified. He flat out said,

“I’ve done what I need to do. We’ve been dating every week. Do you want to have sex?”

How lame.

Once we’re privy to meeting a guy that wants to spend time before hitting the sheets, we might have to deal with a cast of characters: Clingy Christopher, Psycho Paul, Musty Balls Mike, and Stalker Sam. I’m not saying that dating a decent guy is impossible, but given the landscape (specifically New York City) dating has become a thorn in the ass. Men have women at their disposal. Women are very well aware of this and often times will do (or allow) anything for companionship or a man. I love black men but I’m starting to think that I should jump on the bandwagon and date outside the race. Sigh

Another issue that grinds my gears is the dynamics of dating. The dating game and rules has become extremely complicate as the decades progress. There’s no need to get to know a person when there’s Google and Facebook. Text messaging, instant messaging and Skype has destroyed the beauty in late night telephone calls. Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic, spoiled brat in me, but I want to be wooed – not poked on Facebook. I had more fun dating in high school than as a 26 year old woman. I miss the days of dates that ended with him nervous wondering if he should ask for a kiss. Now I have to practically fake a heavy period, just to avoid him demanding to come to my apartment to chill.

I’m looking forward to marriage because this dating thing isn’t for me.

What are your issues with dating? Any dating horror stories? What are your thoughts on interracial dating? Check out this article featured on Essence.com “6 Fabulous Reason to Date More Than One Man at a Time.”

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Filed under black relationships, Dating, Friends with benefits, Relationships, Sex